Family D&D Table Contract
The "Looming Cube" Edition
The Digital Decree
Character Management
You are permitted to use your phone for character sheets, spell tracking, or taking notes.
The No Texting Clause
If the DM catches you texting (looking at you,
Solaar
), a Gelatinous Cube will immediately materialize and engulf your character. No saves allowed.
External Communications
If you must take a call or respond to a message, you have two choices: don’t do it, or leave the table. Choose the option that is least horrifying to the party.
Table Etiquette & Gameplay
The "Math is Hard" Clause
We are here for high adventure, not remedial arithmetic. If it takes you longer than 30 seconds to add 1d8 + 4, the Gelatinous Cube begins to "help" you. For every additional minute spent calculating, the Cube moves 5 feet closer to the party.
The Meta-Gaming Menace
Your character is a resident of this world; they do not own a Monster Manual. If you use outside player knowledge to solve puzzles or identify monster weaknesses (e.g., "Trolls hate fire!"), your character suffers a "brain cramp" and a Gelatinous Cube drops from the ceiling. The Cube does not care about your logic.
The Golden Rule (No NPC Seduction)
Keep it PG
This is a family campaign. There will be no sexual content. Do not attempt to seduce the NPCs.
The "Pandora’s Box" Consequence
If you ignore this rule, the DM will roleplay the NPC with 100% commitment and eye contact. You will have to live with your decision, the horror on the faces of your family members, and the potential for life-scarring memories. Don't open the box.
☠️ BY SITTING AT THIS TABLE, YOU ACCEPT THE RISK OF SUDDEN, JIGGLY DISSOLUTION ☠️